Hiding in the darkness, huddling in the corner sits the child inside her, frightened and needing to be held. She is an abused child, deceived, not knowing who to trust or where to turn. She is paralyzed with fear, unable to trust, or unable to get out of the shadows.

I sit in the corner
eyes unable to see,
heart unable to feel
soul unable to believe.
Is there life outside the shadows
love outside the fantasies,
someone who cares
the child inside
cries out."
... an abused angel

When she is hurt, the child inside, the vulnerable part of her no longer comes out to play. She is afraid, withdrawn inside away from life and away from the world. The scars left by abuse, in various forms, including physical, mental, and emotional have forever altered her trusting child inside. Scars that forever disfigure the innocence spirit of her child and discolor everything she sees and feels.

Gone is my innocence
Left is the pain,
The scars that won't heal
Nothing is the same.
Afraid to see
What I've become,
To look in the mirror
And see what evil's done.
My eyes are clouded
Discoloring all I see,
In the light of early dawn
I can't believe it is me.
Gone is my innocence
I can never reclaim,
Hallow eyes of my spirit
Which will never be the same
. an abused angel

Life goes on and so does the spirit, attempting to heal, to be strong, and stand up for the child. Often to compensate for the pain, there is a drive inside her to achieve, to shut out the world or even to let work take the place of the pain. She becomes stoic, self-reliant, and giving the appearance to an uninterested world that she's got it handled, when really she has become unraveled. Sometimes only in the middle of the whirlwind is the only time she feels comfortable, so she doesn't have to feel or listen to the screams inside. Is there anyone who really understands? Maybe?

Your spirit is very strong
And you stand up for what you believe,
Very out spoken at times
And I marvel at what you've achieved.
Although you want to do it yourself
Not open yourself to anyone,
I've had a peek inside
And I've seen when you're undone.
I know the little girl inside you
Who's afraid and all alone,
Wanting to just be held
Of love and trust to be shown.
To chase away her darkness
So she can see the light,
Enjoy the life she lives
And to sleep through out the night.
.. a friend

She can't do it by herself and there is help, there are friends who believe. Yet she has to allow them to help, allow them to help the child inside.



Chapter 12 "Friends"


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