The brightest lights in her darkened world are friends, which are few because she would seldom allow anyone to get close. But on occasion there was a true friend or two who gave their friendship, encouragement, and hearts to her without asking anything in return. Those were the wonderful little moments of sunshine that peeked through her stormy skies. Even when she pushed them away, even when she left them in silence, they patiently remained there for her.

I never asked for rainbows
Or a mountain for you to build,
But you have brought me both
In the way my heart was filled.
You brought me special colors
To make a rainbow proud,
You took me high above
To play up in the clouds.
I wanted most your friendship
Your creative spirit and mind,
The warm sunshine you brought me
In this world it's hard to find.
I want your heart that cares
To share willingly with me,
Not afraid to be open and honest
And let me, the real you to see.
I feel I've found a kindred soul
But maybe I ask too much,
More than you can willingly give
More than I can expect to touch.
You seem like a beautiful flower
Waiting to bloom in Spring,
Looking for that special song
That'll teach your heart to sing.
But now the storm clouds loom
Around you every day,
And Baby, all I want
Is for you to find your way.
I'm here with open arms
To give anything I can,
All you have to do is ask
With love, your friend I am.
....................................a friend

She is so thankful for those few who willingly seek to brighten her day and she tries to let them know how much it really means to her. Even from behind her wall and within her shadows, as she struggles emotionally to share with them, she still feels blessed for these friends.

The days of cloud or sunshine,
The moments that we share,
The timely word, the thoughtful line,
The note that says "I care"...
Mean more to me than I can say,
So it's time, I think, you knew,
How much it brightens up my day
To have a friend like you!
What brightens all my memories
Is the great times that we've shared...
You're one of those special people
Cause you take the time to care!
When I feel a little blue and sad,
The easiest thing for me to do,
Is remember that things can't be that bad
When I have wonderful friends like you!
.......................................an abused angel

She knows the hardest part of friendship is her silence, her inability or her unwillingness to emotionally become a friend. It is too draining for her to become emotionally evolved with someone by opening herself up to feel some kind of connection. What if the friendship leads to more? She can't risk sharing her thoughts and feelings and she can't get too close, it is not safe. "It's not safe," she tells her friend, "for you or for me."

I am sorry if I hurt you.
I never wanted that.
And you are right, I do care about you...
But I can?t allow myself to care
About anyone.
As long as there is a beautiful distance
Then I can't get hurt.
It just takes so much out of me
To give my hand
To you in thoughts and feelings.
I wish you happiness always...
You are always in my prayers...
That is where you are safe
And so am I.
......................................an abused angel

"Too close" and "being safe" have become necessary phrases of her survival language she uses from behind her castle walls, even to her friends.

Chapter 13 "Soothing the Wild Beast"