Love in her dreams is the magical completion of her soul and heart, everything a young girl could wish for or any woman could dream of. The handsome prince in his magical sailing ship comes to take the princess away to a fairly tale kingdom of happiness and forever after.

In my dreams you come to me
On a magic sailing ship
Asking me to come with you
On a forever sailing trip
Leaving all my cares behind
You offer everything I need
Trust and peace and open arms
You take my hand and lead.
Looking deep into your eyes
The love I sought is there
Everything I've ever dreamed
Is in your heart to share
.. an abused angel

She is talented and works hard on developing those talents. She pours herself into achieving success in her life, to some how serve as a substitute for the emptiness inside her, and she does it successfully. Yet it cannot replace the emptiness inside her and she is afraid to go after what her soul really longed for. This evil had changed everything in her life. When she had been touched by love and gotten a glimpse of the wonderful feelings in her heart she got scared. All those memories came flooding back, the pain, the deceit and she couldn't risk it. Over and over in her mind the questions came. What if this "Prince" was the same as the last one who said he loved her? What if love was only going to be painful for her? What if she wasn't good enough to have a love like that in her life? Everything in her heart, her soul, her being was scared to death of finding the love she wanted.

My prince
You offer your hand
Your heart
And I reach for you
I have waited
All my life
For you
For your love
For your laughter
For your arms to hold me
My heart is beating
My mind is whirling
My soul touched
But I am afraid
What if I take your hand
Take your love
And it fails
What if you turn away
What if it doesn't work
What if I'm not good enough
Why should I try
Why should I risk the pain
an abused angel

In her mind she knows there is risk in every good thing she seeks, but in her heart any risk in love is too great. She knows without risk there is no love, but feels she is forced to avoid it to avoid the pain. She tries to find help, she tries to find solutions in dealing with this past evil that has paralyzed her heart and her life, or does she? In her mind she does, but her heart is saying, "isn't it easier to just stay where I am?" More questions her heart just can't answer. If I deal with my past, I'll have to open it up again, go through the pain all over again and for what? Maybe it will work, maybe, but what if it doesn't, what if I go through all those painful memories for nothing? What if there is no hope for me to ever get my life back?

The past is the past
Why bring it back
Too much pain
I want it to go away
Do I need to bring it back
Will it help
It'll bring more pain
But will it help
And all those memories
But will it help
I want to get better
Can I
Will I
I'm afraid
. an abused angel

Fear is keeping her from taking positive steps toward a solution, a better way to change her situation and her life. She wants to change her situation, but the fear is like a pair of handcuffs. She admits there are other factors keeping her from moving forward including the demands of her business, new ventures, and the loss of relatives who have been such a support for her. She admits she doesn't handle loss well and it just adds to closing herself off from help she needs to move forward.

Is there help for my lost soul
Can anyone rescue my sinking ship
Or calm the storms around me
I have lost so much and still
When there is a little sun
Breaking through the clouds
The storms of loss come again
Cloud my life and bring back the dark.
I want to reach the shore
I want to reach the safe harbor
But as the waves crash around me
It all seems so hopeless
So dark
I need you to lead me home
By the delight of your passion
By the light of your north star
To the safety of your arms
To the joys of your love
Until I find myself
Standing at your door.
.. an abused angel

In the hidden corner of her heart she calls his name. In the middle of the storms she calls his name. When everything is hopeless and dark, she calls his name. She cries for help in the night, but not too loud because she really doesn't want him to hear. See wants him to come, she needs him to come, yet she is afraid, afraid of the risk, afraid of the pain. So in her dreams and the hidden corner of her heart she calls his name. She hopes he will hear and call her name.

I see you in my dreams
And call your name
I feel you in my heart
And call your name
I need you in the middle of the storm
And call your name
Will you come to me
I long to touch you
I need you to hold me
To tell me everything is alright
But I am afraid
Will you come to me
I long to taste you
I need to be wrapped in your love
To tell me its forever
Will you come to me
Will you call my name?
. an abused angel


Chapter 18 "The Flickering Flame"


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