Deception, betrayal, deceit, and treachery were all dark colors he used to paint a painful picture on the canvas of her heart. This is the picture of evil, painted with destructive strokes, which destroyed her fragile world of trust and her beautiful world of love. Like a cancer eating at her insides and infecting her heart, her soul, and her spirit.

My world is dark
the sun has been taken away
The bright colors of love
that decorated my heart
Are Gone...
Leaving me in the shadows
With fear
With anger
alone in the dark...
My spirit filled with doubts
My mind with uncertainty
My heart, my life, my world...
Devastated... abused angel

Devastated, a life now filled with doubts and fears; anger and shame; darkness and pain. What was this evil that devastated her, leaving her defiled, desolate and alone? Was it just a lost love or a relationship that didn't work out or someone who betrayed her trust, cheating on her and leaving her heart shattered? She wished that was all he did, but the evil in his heart was far worse than betrayal, far more painful than simple abuse, and totally devastating to her world. He physically took her dignity, replaced it with pain and desecration. He painted her world with deceit and liars, turning friends and family against her. This wasn't an ordinary evil, but an evil brought to her world in the name of love and it left her totally devastated.

I gave my trust
you painted it with the darkness of betrayal
I gave my heart,
You pierced it with a dagger of deceit
I gave my love
You treated it with treachery,
I gave you my life
You robbed my soul
And turned love into a evil word....."
................... an abused angel

Love can be painted black by deception, sometimes so much the bright colors in the portrait of love can never be restored. In a few treacherous brush strokes, the picture of a heart full of love can be forever distorted, scarred, never to be the same.

Where does her lost soul go in a world turned upside down? Where does she seek direction when she finds herself in the middle of a storm with no landmarks? In the middle of darkness, where does she find the light? When her heart, her life, and her world are devastated - everything seems lost.

Loss, a small word, but it brought total devastation to her world. A world filled with promise and opportunity is now filled with pain and darkness. What did she loose? The loss of her loving heart, turned to stone out of self-preservation, loss of the wonderful spirit burning inside her, extinguished, and the beauty of her soul to share all goodness with others, turned to darkness. Like a ravenous lion that rips out the soul, leaving an abyss of pain and no seemingly way to deal with it. Her world went dark, leaving her surrounded by an overwhelming fear, wishing to just be swallowed up or at least seeking some way to numb the pain.

The sun is gone
replaced by the darkness
replaced by fear
and pain, oh the pain
like a knife in my heart
like a savage beast devouring my soul
my spirit teetering on the brink of death
so dark, so very dark, so very, very dark....
................... an abused angel

In the middle of the darkness, she struggled to believe there would ever be light again. Just like in the middle of the storm, it is hard to believe there will be a rainbow. She felt alone, like no one could help, like no one could possibly understand. Her darkness was so thick she could feel it suffocating and squeezing the life out of her weakened body, out of her very soul.

Laying on my bed
darkness all around
even now in the middle of the day
alone, in the middle of a crowd
want to run, but where
want to hide, but from what
want to die, but would that help
screams coming from deep inside..
................... an abused angel

They say time heals. Does it or does it just bring some numbness, the ability to build walls, or some place to hide all the pain away? Every day it's there, following her around, darkening her sky, sucking out the air around her. She screams in anger asking, "why", desperately trying to fill the void, when most of the time it all seems so worthless. It's like trying to catch the wind or stopping the hands of time, it brings no relief and little hope. How long can she take this constant pain, the constant reminders, the constant guilt or doubt? How long can she bear up with what seems like the weight of the whole world upon her shoulders?

How can she face a new day, feel worthy or believe in herself again if nobody believes in her?


Chapter 3 - "Misplaced"


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